adult children of alcoholics

43% OF THE UNITED STATES POPULATION HAS BEEN EXPOSED TO ALCOHOLISM IN THE FAMILY. (NACoA) National Association for Children of Addiction

Breaking free

"EVEN THE MOST PAINFUL CHAPTERS OF YOUR STORY HOLD THE PROMISE FOR NEW BEGINNINGS"
According to Psychology Today and as reported in 2017 1 in 5 children grows up in a home where a parent abuses drugs or alcohol. I'm thinking the statistics are probably much higher now in 2024. Addiction not only hurts the person with the substance use disorder but it harms those around them too. Especially the children. I am an Adult Daughter. I grew up thinking everything that went on inside my family home was normal, it was me that wasn't normal. I kept my thoughts, and feelings barricaded inside myself. I felt there was something terribly wrong with me. My distorted reality; I was just bad. Now, years and years later after living in denial for so long; I have learned there are quite a few of us, Adult children of Alcoholics (ACoA) or ACA) in the world. Many of the characteristics we have are universal. I guess I was normal, I mean as far as my traits of an ACoA go. Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families World Service Organization. Phone #310-534-1815
adult children. website
If you haven't read the book Perfect Daughters, Adult Daughters of Alcoholics by Robert J. Ackerman Ph.D, I encourage you to read it. His book was a waking up moment for me, and an excellent resource. It was a relief for me to know that I wasn't the only one with secrets. I saw the traits of an Adult Daughter in myself. Robert J. Ackerman also wrote Silent Sons, A Book for and about Men. You can listen to an interview on the podcast You Matter! New York University Department of Campus Safety where he talks about his book.

adult children of alcoholics

1. guess at what is normal. 2. have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end. 3. lie when it would be just as easy for us to tell the truth. 4. judge themselves (harshly) and without mercy.5. have difficulty having fun. (It’s difficult to stay in the moment.)6. take themselves very seriously. 7. have difficulty with intimate relationships.8. overreact to changes over where they have no control.9. seek approval and affirmation. 10. feel they are different from other people.11. are either extremely responsible or are extremely irresponsible. 12. are extremely loyal even when the loyalty is undeserved.13 are impulsive. The above list is referenced from, The 13 characteristics of an ACoA. by Janet Woititz 1983 From Adult Children of Alcoholics (& Other Dysfunctional Families) website: https://acaoregon.org/the-13-characteristics/ I grew up thinking I was the only one to experience these characteristics, but I was wrong. There are many of us who go through life living in denial, feeling different, while not completely understanding why. We are not alone, and the traits we have are pretty much universal.According to the 2021 National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH), there are 29.5 million people ages 12 and older that have an alcohol abuse disorder. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) reports approximately (7.5 million) of U.S. children ages 17 and younger live with a parent who has an an alcohol disorder. The National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependency (NCADD) reports, that in the United States alone, there are approximately one in eight people that are Adult Children of Alcoholics.
More Traits
Sometimes it felt like a bomb of insanity could go off at anytime in my childhood home, yet I would walk outside our family residence behaving as if everything was perfectly fine, but it wasn't fine. To be honest nothing was. My dad would often say, "what happens in this house stays in this house". While growing up no matter what chaos ensued inside the walls of our home it was never to be talked about; not to anyone. I would never talk about the crazy, because for me there was a lot of guilt attached to speaking up as well. Not only would I feel like a disobedient, and an unappreciative daughter, but I felt like I would be betraying my parents. I didn't want people to look down on my family. I loved my parents. If someone asked me "Are you okay?" I would smile, lie, and say "Yes everything is fine." I wouldn't talk about what was happening. I kept my thoughts and feelings inside. I learned to pretend. The Art of Bristle.
My Journey has been one of overcoming anger. Searching for forgiveness and inner peace after an abusive childhood but the chaos didn't end there for me. My life has been filled encountering alcohol use disorder, suicide, and tragic loss. As an adult I had more heartbreaking catastrophe before realizing that I have spent a lifetime meeting the same personalities throughout. I have experienced challenging, emotional years of learned behaviors, various beliefs and actions that went well beyond the realm of childhood and on into adulthood. "Anger is a crazy emotion based on fear. My entire life my emotional state was usually that of fawn, fight, flight, or freeze." To learn Adult Children of Alcoholics is an actual (thing) movement/organization, and that there were others out in the world just like me was a relief. To know my traits of an ACoA are universal and that there were legitimate reasons for why "I was the way I was," was an "Aha" moment for me too, and the beginning of my healing journey.
https://link.mail.tailwindapp.com/ngs/1297595/GvpbOhIvpUJaWV25YCoy