Judy Kowalsky
"Empowering Children of Alcoholics ~ Reclaiming Our Strength and Self-Worth."
"That's me in the red and white striped shirt below. At three years old, I called the Projects home, literally across the railroad tracks—a place that marks the beginning of a journey shaped by my experiences as an adult child of an alcoholic and reflected in the stories I write today."
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1 in 10 children grows up in a home where a parent abuses alcohol. Alcohol addiction not only hurts the person with the substance use disorder but it harms those around them too. Especially children.
I am an Adult Daughter of an alcoholic father. I grew up thinking everything that went on inside my family home was normal, it was me that wasn't normal. I kept my thoughts, and feelings barricaded inside myself. I felt there was something terribly wrong with me. My distorted reality; I was just bad. Now, years later after living in denial for so long; I have learned there are quite a few of us, Adults and children of Alcoholics (ACoA, ACA, COA) in the world. Many of the characteristics we have are universal under the circumstances. So, I guess I was normal, I mean as far as my traits of an ACoA go.
If you haven't read the book Perfect Daughters, Adult Daughters of Alcoholics by Robert J. Ackerman Ph.D, I encourage you to read it. His book was a waking up moment for me, and an excellent resource. It was a relief for me to know that I wasn't the only one with secrets. I saw the traits of an Adult Daughter in myself.
Robert J. Ackerman also wrote Silent Sons, A Book for and about Men. You can listen to an interview on the podcast You Matter! New York University Department of Campus Safety where he talks about his book.
The list below is referenced from, The 13 characteristics of an ACoA. by Janet Woititz 1983 From Adult Children of Alcoholics (& Other Dysfunctional Families) website: https://acaoregon.org/the-13-characteristics/
adult children of alcoholics
1. guess at what is normal.
2. have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end.
3. lie when it would be just as easy for us to tell the truth.
4. judge themselves (harshly) and without mercy.5. have difficulty having fun. (It’s difficult to stay in the moment.)6. take themselves very seriously.
7. have difficulty with intimate relationships.8. overreact to changes over where they have no control.9. seek approval and affirmation. 10. feel they are different from other people.11. are either extremely responsible or are extremely irresponsible. 12. are extremely loyal even when the loyalty is undeserved.13 are impulsive.
I grew up thinking I was the only one to experience these characteristics, but I was wrong. There are many of us who go through life living in denial, feeling different, while not completely understanding why. We are not alone, and the traits we have are pretty much universal.According to the 2021 National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH), there are 29.5 million people ages 12 and older that have an alcohol abuse disorder. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) reports approximately (7.6 million) of U.S. children ages 17 and younger live with a parent who has an an alcohol disorder. The National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependency (NCADD) reports, that in the United States alone, there are approximately one in ten people that are Children of Alcoholics.
Additional traits Children of Alcoholics may have.
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